Just a Thought…Seasonal Anxiety

Seasonal Anxiety

As the seasons change right now, I’m trying to be intentional about how to approach, accept and celebrate change. It’s not easy. I LOVE summer and all that it brings, lighter hair, tan skin, swimming in the pool and ocean waters, grilling…this time of year, I’ve routinely grieved the loss of summer.

The fall season in my part of the world is extraordinarily beautiful but I’ve resisted and grieved because I carry the dread, fear and anticipation of the harder, darker, colder and generally crappy days of winter in Rochester NY.  Why stay there, you ask? Because I love it the rest of the year, because it’s home. And because I really like the change of seasons. Can’t winter be a little bit shorter, though? See what I’m doing? Just like grief, I’m preemptively experiencing the grief stages. Anger, bargaining, denial. And you know else what I’m doing? You guessed it, I’m not being mindful. I’m not enjoying the absolutely beautiful day it is. Right. Now.

I’ve also had this idea that I’m alone in this annual dread. Wrong again.

This was a great read, really resonated for me. “We usually talk about SAD — seasonal affective disorder. The days are shorter, the nights are longer, the weather is getting colder. There can be anxiety of going back to school and pressure to be academically successful and socially successful,” Thornton told Healthline. Autumn anxiety could be the anticipatory anxiety about getting SAD.”

Well this is both validating and anxiety inducing, why haven’t we been talking about this?!! I honestly didn’t know it was a “thing.” So I’m anticipating the pre-dread about SAD? I’ve learned to work to stay grounded in the winter - get outside, meditate, light lamp, more vitamin.

Maybe this insight will help, sometimes just knowing it’s a “thing” helps. I didn’t know compassion fatigue was a thing until I was deep into in my counseling education and career. Ohhhhhhh, there’s a reason why I’m feeling this way!! Ever feel this way? Mindfulness helps, let’s talk.

So instead of looking back and wishing I had known and done better for myself and others, I try to embrace the Maya Angelou’s wise words, “When we know better, we do better.”

Instead of grieving the loss of summer and tensing up as I dread and anticipate the suck of winter…maybe stay in the moment, notice how I’m feeling. Right now. And allow myself to enjoy the changing leaves, warmer clothes and food and not be so hard on myself. Nature knows how to flow through the seasons, I’m going to give myself permission to follow nature knowing summer will be back. It always comes back and would I even appreciate it if it were year round? 

Maybe it doesn’t need to be such a struggle, fight and stress, it’s exhausting. I’m thinking it could be different. Seasons change.

Just a thought.

P.S. Every time I think “seasons change” this song gets in my head Seasons Change, Expose